Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Where Do I Go From Here?

Let's say you grab yourself a coffee from 7-Eleven because it was on the way to some place you're walking. You then walk by a Starbuck's, and you see a guy sitting out front taking advantage of free Wi-Fi. He's typing on his laptop like he's important, and he's sipping on a coffee that cost five bucks more than what you paid for at the convenience store. They probably taste the fucking same..actually, your coffee probably tastes better. However, this knob paid the extra five dollars just so he could sit out in public and look important. You glare at him with that feeling that starts eating at your stomach, and you want to just throw your cup at him and say, "Fuck you, shithead! You're not better than me!"

You know that feeling you get in that situation? That's how I feel about everyone.

I guess "disdain" would be the word. I'm thinking that's where my comedy is going. JC Shakespeare gave me the name "Uncle Cranky" almost 10 years ago when I would complain about kids trampling through my yard. But that's nothing compared to where I think I'm headed.

The majority of my act has focused on my knowledge, experiences and poor decisions with alcohol. And hey, I have some goddamn funny shit. The thing is, I quit drinking for good recently, and I really don't want the booze material to define me anymore. It's time for a change of pace...a new direction.

I think I'll call it the Comedy of Contempt, or I'll refer to myself as the Disdainful Comedian. Of course, anyone who knows me is probably thinking, "And this would be different than what you've done in the past how?"

Good point. I don't know.

I just feel like I've been sitting on the sidelines recently. With my felony conviction and my amazing girlfriend, I've kept to myself at home and refrained from providing much commentary on my surroundings or on current events shaping and fucking up this country and the world.

Well, I need to replace the booze bits with fresh, new material filled with...not so much "hate"...how about material filled with irritation and disappointment in everything?

I'll start right now:


I've been asked by a couple of people, "What is Twitter?"

What Twitter Should Wants To Be - A place to check updates of your favorite bands or artists, your friends and family. "Hey, I'm at Opal Divine's right now for happy hour! Who wants to come by?" "Our album is almost complete! We're playing tonight at 11pm at Beerland..." And so on.

What Twitter Actually Is - Let's say you have a friend who's a jagass that likes to send you a text message every time he does something. "I'm out of corn flakes!" SEND "Boy, the line at the grocery store sucks!" SEND "What pants should I wear to bowling tonight?" SEND

Now, imagine you have 50 friends who do the same thing...and you like it, because you're retarded.

That's Twitter.