Friday, February 5, 2010

This Just In...I'm Old Enough To Buy Cigarettes

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a cheerful ray of sunshine or a rainbow of positive thought. I'm even worse at 8 in the morning on the way to ride on a bus full of degenerates like me (only

I walked into the Valero where I've bought smokes for 4 years now. The girl behind the counter grabbed the pack I asked for and then said, "It's my second day...can I see your ID?"

So...because it's your second day you are not going to use common sense or your eyes? You need practice carding old people? Great. Good for you.

I give her my ID that I know is expired. Being new, she avoids common sense again and decides to go by the book and says, "Hey Patti...this ID is expired." Patti, the manager, comes over and looks at it. She has sold me cigarettes on numerous occasions. She fucking knows who I am.

"You know, you need to have your ID renewed."

You know what, you don't work for Travis County or the state, so fuck off, really. Do you know how old I am? If I had a kid when I could first buy smokes, he'd be old enough right now to buy smokes himself. And it's not like I look younger than I am anymore. I look haggard...road hard and put away wet. I look the part of the alcoholic/addict, alright.

And you know, before you say, "Well, John, it is their right to card you and deny selling to you based on an expired ID", fuck all that. I'm not trying to buy booze, here...I'm a repeat customer that the manager has sold to. The ID looks just like me, and being expired doesn't make me any younger. Everyone in the convenient store knows I'm over 18. Common sense should sell me a pack of fucking cigarettes and get me out of the store before the unhappy mouthy powder keg inside me explodes.

Patti: "Well, you should really take care of this. We can go ahead and sell these to you this time...but..."


Me: "You know what? Fuck all this. I don't want them from you."
Patti: "Well, okay, sir..."
Me: "Fuck you, Patti." BAM! I kick the door open to add to my dramatic exit.

Here's the deal. The only power Patti has in her miserable boring little life is the power to allow or deny the sale of cigarettes or alcohol to people who walk into that Valero. That's all that middle-aged fake-smiling hag has to hang onto. Well fuck her and her power trip...I'm going to make the decision here, not her. My decision is to walk two blocks and buy the pack from Yin at the Good Luck Mart. All he cares about is that you have money and a pulse.

"Thank you, have a nice day."

No, no, Yin. Thank YOU.

My mood for the day has been set. Stay out of my way.