Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Starting Over

From June 11th: "I've been going through the toughest time of my life."

Yeah...little did I know, I was really about to go through shit. Two weeks after I wrote that, I found myself single and jobless. Shortly thereafter, homeless and broke. Let's throw in my alcohol-related convictions putting a strain on job hunting and you've got yourself a personal hell.

At this point, I'm still pulling myself out of the hole I'm in, but at least I'm not at the bottom anymore. For a while there, I was camped out at the bottom with a shovel, digging. With the help of family and a few close friends, I'm making my way back to regular life. I also have a support network that I am building to keep myself from falling back down there.

I've seen the edge and dangled over it...I don't need to go back and take another look. I don't need to, but it's funny/sad how much I want to. Normal life can be fucking boring...that's the biggest danger when it comes to addiction, no matter what that monkey on your back is. You get so bored that your selective memory starts romanticizing your old life. You have to manually "play the tape out" to see what all that old life included.

I'm currently living on the couch of a close friend while working a part-time job (that I was grateful to get). I'll be slowly making several life changes over the next few months. It will be interesting to see where I go from here.