Thursday, February 3, 2011

Until That Day Then.

You don't get an award for kicking booze and drugs on your own vs. with help. So why decline outside assistance?

I'll tell you why...because you think you know everything...or because you think you can handle it. When you think about it, it's pretty damn ridiculous to think you can deal with shit on your own, especially when you consistently suck at self-control.

I've never had a problem with "cravings" when it comes to addiction...I've always had a problem with giving a shit whether I'm sober or not. "What does it matter..."

You become very self-centered when you're a drunk or a junkie. You don't care about others or how you make them feel. When you clean up, all those emotions and thoughts regarding yourself and others come rushing back...and you feel like the asshole you've become.

Addiction. Hospitalization. Job loss. Love loss. Dead best friend. Worried and hurt family. Alienated friends. No direction. Broken spirit. Physical fatigue. OD. Loneliness. Nervous breakdown.

Go ahead, John. Handle it all on your own.

Not anymore. I'm going to get help. Treatment. I leave Monday...and I'll be back in May. Time to pull out of the nose dive. Time to take a step back from the edge.

Time for hope.

I'll see ya.