Sunday, May 8, 2011

May I Never Be Complete

On Thursday of last week, I successfully completed treatment at Lifetime Recovery. I immediately moved into a sober house, and I am currently seeking employment.

I should be dead. I don't mean that in an "I've been so lucky it's crazy!" way, I mean that I overdosed and stopped breathing 4 months ago. I don't know why I'm here while others more deserving are not, but I'm grateful I am. I believe in life, love and people again...and if you know me, that's not something I would have said over the past 10-15 years.

I took a bus to the grocery store yesterday, bought two bags of stuff and came back home. While walking from the bus stop the few blocks home, I was reminded that this is part of real life and shit we have to do on a regular basis. Real life...that has stopped for everyone else just because I went to rehab for 90 days. It made me appreciate again the massive support and attention I have received over this process.

I want to refrain from thanking everybody individually as it will turn this blog into a lame-ass Oscar acceptance speech. "I'd like to thank God...and my agent Bubbles McGee." My mother and father are awesome people who never turned their back on me and continue to go out of their way to help me out. Obviously, I can't thank them enough for what they've done.

I lost contact with most of my bar friends...but, they're bar friends. When I was teetering on the edge, I still had a few friends that cared and never gave up on me. Going through this has strengthened our friendships for the future. You know who you are, and you don't give a shit about a shout-out, do you?

I need to single out someone, though.

Everyone who has met Windy knows that she is the kindest soul you will meet. She has overcome more turmoil and life bullshit than most of us will ever experience, and she's kept going. She, however, made the horribly generous decision to help me get on my feet when I lost me a place to crash and support I didn't appreciate at the time. I will NEVER be able to repay her for giving me a chance...and forgiving me for things I said and put her through. Thank you so much, Windy.

My favorite characters in movies, books and graphic novels are anti-heroes: charmingly flawed and grungy characters that find redemption...eventually. You think I want my story to be cut tragically short by my own actions? That would be heart-breaking and awful. I don't want to be an example of what not to do anymore. I don't want the love and support you all have given me to be for fuck all.

Thank you, guys.

"Well, let's not start sucking each others' dicks just yet." - Mr. Wolfe

(couldn't resist.)