Monday, August 15, 2011

You Know What Sucks?

What you are "supposed to do" is not necessarily the right thing or best thing for you. Everybody is different. That's not what sucks.

It is very easy for me to be told to do something and then immediately react with, "Hey, suck me, I'm going to do it anyway."

Things I'm not supposed to do because "they might or will be bad for me" immediately appeals to me. I think in a lot of cases, the majority is full of shit and my opinions and decisions rule.

Here's "What Sucks": I have proof on file in multiple Counties in Texas that...I should of just did what I was supposed to.

Once again, like everything else, it's a balance. I have to find a balance between what will help me grow and evolve and what will turn me into a fucking brain-dead waste of space. What good is being clean and sober if you're a clean and sober boring zombie prick?

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." The Serenity Prayer.

I'd rather it say, "God, or whoever...grant me the clarity to figure out how to take the things I cannot change and use it to my advantage so that I am in power of my own life and I don't have to come begging to you or someone else for every little fucking thing. But if it's out of my hands, let me accept that shit and let it go. Otherwise, empower my ass so I don't have to whine in a fucking meeting every day for the rest of my life."

Addicts/alcoholics are powerless, we're told. I, however, think no one is powerless if you have knowledge, will, and determination to get out of your hole. It's unfortunately very easy to just climb back into that hole and lay down for a while longer.

Find a balance. Still working on that.

That was me venting. I think more people struggling with recovery should be honest completely and do the same. Or shit, find your own recovery path.

Yes...I am still going to meetings. And I get something from each one. I'm off to bed now. Gotta hit one of those tomorrow.

"Honesty like this makes me grow a big rubbery one."