Thursday, June 6, 2013

The Internal Roundtable

The Chairman: Okay, let's start the meeting. Thank you all for taking a break from your usual routine of power plays and manipulation of John's interests and attention so that we can discuss something important to all of us...

The Ego: I'm pretty sure I run the meeting, Chairman...

The Chairman: Of course you think that. No. Today we need to talk about goals. As in...I think it's time to start looking into the future beyond our immediate needs.

The Intellectual: Should I peruse appropriate literature so that we are sufficiently prepared to move forward?

The Comedian: Yeah, your idea of serious reading is googling "goals", you ass. Let's talk comedy career, man, seriously.

The Chairman: Really? You want to go there? Okay, what do you want to do?

The Comedian: Um...make people laugh?

The Ego: We really are funny, aren't we?

The Chairman: I'll pencil that in as a career goal. But since the court jester has brought it up, shouldn't we set a goal to start networking for after probation?

The Cynic: We'll always be on probation.

The Addict: I have an idea for a goal...

The Chairman: Ugh, you're still here. Go have some coffee. Anyway, Comedian, don't you want to play more venues? More stage time...

The Comedian: Yes, fine. Network. Whatever. Get the smart one working on it. I'm trying to figure out how to make sober bus rides funnier...

The Teen: Put skateboarding on there...

The Chairman: As a goal?

The Teen: Huh huh, yeah...

The Chairman: We only let you do that because it's good exercise and it gets us to work. A mode of transportation is not a goal.

The Buddhist: We should live in the moment. Appreciate what we have. Breathe.

The Cynic: Oh for the love of...shut up, hippie.

The Intellectual: We should consider new employment to afford improved accommodations.

The Chairman: Ah! Good. So we start looking sooner than later for a good fit, then? I think one thing we could all agree on is more money would help.

The Durdenist: We are not the contents of our wallet.

The Chairman: Well, almost all of us.

The Ego: I love this guy! He's the reason I got us to shave our head, by the way. Hey, say that thing...

The Durdenist: Like a monkey, ready to be shot into space. Space monkey.

The Ego: HAHA! We rule...

The Cynic: This is hell.

The Teen: Can we watch "Fight Club" again? Fincher is tits.

The Cynic: No, it just gets all these jerks riled up.

The Addict: Does anyone want to hear what I want to do with more money?

Everyone: NO!

The Chairman: Seriously, keep quiet or we're going to a meeting.

The Addict: Ew. Okay.

The Buddhist: I think it's time we stopped and pondered these things. Clear the room, meditate, then come back together as one...and continue on.

The Cynic: YOU meditate, I'm gonna smoke.

The Comedian: I want a cigarette, too.

The Teen: Oooh, smoking!

The Addict: You know I'm in.

The Chairman: I'll have you know that quitting smoking is still very much a goal of ours...

The Comedian: Make it a long-term one, then.

The Ego: Good one. We are hilarious.

by Mel Bochner,