I was thinking about what to write regarding my 40th birthday. I've been drawing a blank for the most part.
The whole "over the hill" thing really means dick since I've accepted the fact that it's a miracle I actually made it this far. I shouldn't be alive, so needless to say, I enjoyed my birthday...celebrated with someone special, watched "Spaced", ate ice cream...crazy night. Ha.
This was my first birthday in 20 years where I was not drunk nor incarcerated. You might find it unsettling that that's a big deal, but the highlight of my birthday last year was leaving Travis County Jail downtown to Travis County treatment center in beautifully fecaltastic Del Valle. So yes, ice cream and Hulu Plus with Katie kicked ass.
One thing about being 40 in my situation. I am not going to go through a mid-life crisis. I've manufactured enough crises, yeah? Besides, where would I go from skateboarding dishwashing Zen minimalist? Maybe I could dye my hair and stop using proper word spelling in text messages. Hashtag fat fucking chance.
I remember when my dad was 40...I was 15. He was a coach, teacher and preacher. Oh, and a father and husband...and worked on the house, yard and cars. Jesus, dad, I don't know how you did it. I can barely deal with taking care of just myself. I don't try to compare myself to him. It's just a hell of a contrast of lifestyle.
Side note: I'd love to freak out 15 year-old me: "Hey, I'm you at 40. You're a former junkie and drunk with a felony on probation who washes dishes and skateboards as transportation. Stop crying. You also write, do stand-up and are ridiculously happy. Okay, go back to masturbating. My bad."
I am ridiculously happy. I am glad Joss Whedon is not writing and directing my life because if he were, he'd be killing me off right now, that's how good I feel. As I've written before, I know it won't like this forever. Dark times could be right around the corner. I just need to be ready for them and remember that it'll turn around again. You don't fully appreciate the good without the bad, right?
I love taking on life at my own pace. I like being in control of my actions and just letting myself be. "Watching the Wheels" came up on my iPod on shuffle recently, and it means more to me now.
"Well, they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind. I tell them there's no hurry, I'm just sitting here doing time."